You have a major life change on the horizon. There is a divorce, separation, or break up in your life. Perhaps there is a new career choice, educational opportunity, romantic prospect, or other life opportunity calling in a distant land. It is time to pack and go.
You know that a part of your life is staying behind. You also know that what is coming up is utterly uncertain. It may be the change you know you want. Or it may be the change you know you need more than you actually want it.
In any case, welcome to an ocean of emotions!
Get your lifejacket on. Feel and hear the waves moving. And most importantly, trust that your inner compass will lead you to calmer waters. Eventually.
This “packing and go” ride will feel intense.
I promise.
While you are on the ride it will feel like it is lasting much longer than you want.
I promise.
But it will end. Eventually.
I promise.
Looking back years later, it will not feel as intense or as long as it will feel in the now.
I promise that too.
When the ride starts, be prepared:
A pounding of the heart will come
A knot in the throat will tighten.
A turmoil in the mind will arise.
I promise.
During the ride please remember to breathe.
Take deep breaths. Do it often.
It will give you seconds of peace and sanity.
I promise.
Tides mixing grief, excitement and relief will come and go.
Sometimes, the tide will be stronger with the grief about what you are leaving behind.
Other times, the tide will be stronger with the excitement of new possibilities.
And every time, it will be permeated with a dose of relief. The relief of whatever needs to go to create the space for whatever that needs to come.
I promise.
At times, you will feel like you are at the top. You will be steering your boat fast, skilfully and decisively on the waves. But then you will hold a picture, a momento, or an old gift, and a tsunami of emotions will suddenly rise.
I promise.
Don’t worry too much about the tsunami.
Just breathe. It will pass.
It will not be as devastating or last as long as you think it will.
I promise.
However, it is good to allow time and space for the waves of emotions to flow. You will have to find the pace between holding the steering wheel and moving forward, and taking a break and flowing with the current. It will be easier if you have a good friend, a co-captain, to help you navigate those turbulent waters. You will continue to adjust your course and continue steering forward.
I promise.
Nonetheless, storms of confusion will also come and go.
Confusion about decisions made in the past.
Confusion about decisions you need to make in the future.
Please remember, you don’t have to make all the decisions now.
Just breathe.
Focus on the decision you need to make right now, for example:
– Where does this “fucking piece of shit” go? To the moving boxes, trash or donation pile?
Oh yeah … anger will arise too.
I promise.
If people around you are lucky enough, your anger will be mainly directed at the small things:
– Why the hell do I have so many fucking … [fill the blank]?
– It is so much shit to pack!
Even if you usually don’t curse, you may start doing that … a lot … even if it is only in your head.
Just breathe.
You will realize it is way more stuff than you expected. And you will think, can it all just disappear and reappear at the new destination? No, it can’t.
I don’t even have to promise it.
When this ride starts, be prepared:
Tears of sadness and exhilaration will become mixed.
Inner voices of encouragement and self-doubt will take turns.
Surges of energy and exhaustion will walk hand to hand.
And some bonus rides with useless guilt trips will probably emerge.
I promise.
You may feel guilty because people you love will be affected by your choices.
You may feel guilty for not having done it before, or for not waiting to do it later.
You may feel guilty for all the things that will not happen because you are changing your destiny.
You may feel guilty for “abandoning” someone or giving up on something that once was a dream.
But, deep inside you know you must go.
You know that you cannot abandon yourself.
You know that if you stay, you will die inside.
So, you will keep on packing.
I promise.
And if you choose, you can turn this packing process into a powerful rebirth ritual.
A ritual in which you choose mindfully and intentionally what you are taking through this birth canal towards your brand new life. The new life that you are powerfully starting to design for yourself right now.
Put music on. Preferably uplifting music.
Sing “I will survive” out loud.
Celebrate every box that is packed.
Be okay with feeling physically and emotionally drained.
Take breaks. Go for a walk in nature. Eat something healthy.
Accept that it is okay to cry.
Commend yourself for allowing yourself to feel.
And when it gets hard, allow yourself to call a friend.
Call that friend who can listen, just listen. A friend who can let you vent and cry, without feeling uncomfortable or taking it personally. A friend who does not have the impulse to give advice or fix everything. Although, when you feel like you’ve said everything you need to say, s/he may ask: would you like a suggestion? You will say yes and she will say the most obvious thing, which will feel like a huge Eureka moment. You will feel better and clear minded (enough) again.
And you will keep on packing up until all the stuff is sorted out: moving, donation, or trash. And it is done. All packed up.
You are exhausted.
Your heart hurts.
But you get ready for your destiny.
And off you go.
Written by Iria Sebastião
Edited by Kathryn Black
Dedication:
I wrote it thinking of a good friend who is in the packing process right now. I dedicate it to her, and to all those who pack “their life” and take leaps of faith into new beginnings. I dedicate it especially to my family and friends who have been supportive of my packings throughout life. I roughly calculated 14 times! Of that, 4 times between countries – and still counting. Moving and changes can be a difficult process, but the growth and expansion can be worth it. Especially, if the people you love are on your “side” wherever you go. 💗
