There is an invitation/inclination for everyone during holidays to be more giving. So people give gifts, bonuses, donations, and hopefully, genuine acts of love and kindness.
Giving is a great thing, especially if it comes from a heart place and within healthy boundaries and the giver’s emotional, physical, and financial ability. Giving and helping others can improve mood, health, a sense of purpose and activate different happy neurotransmitters in the brain. However, there is a dark side.
There is an aspect of giving that we don’t usually talk about. It is an aspect that is difficult for many people, especially for the overachievers and over-givers, those who enjoy giving their best to others and what they do.
Often, those who are great at giving and doing tend not to be great receivers. And, in the long run, it can hurt them badly!
It may sound like a silly detail, but being open to receiving and knowing how to “receive well” is fundamental. It is essential for one’s well-being, healthy relationships, and better balance in life.
Here, when I talk about receiving, I am not only talking about gifts or material things. I am also talking about being open and receptive to physical and emotional support, praises, appreciation, gratitude, and acknowledgment for who you are and what you do.
Often, the over-givers feel uncomfortable with genuine or emotional gratitude and acknowledgment; they cannot take it in. As a result, they minimize their actions dismissing acknowledgment and praise from others. Usually, the (unconscious) strategy goes along with saying something like “it wasn’t a big deal” and/or deflecting attention to a task, joke or other people.
How not know how to receive can hurt relationships?
Over time, when someone is good at giving but not good at receiving, they will end up hurt and worn out. The pleasure of giving and doing for others will become stress, frustration and disappointment – the least. Ressentiment can grow because the exchange with life and others is not well balanced and it can poison the relationships.
Are you a good receiver? (Spoil alert: probably not)
We are all “bad” receivers on some level. We can be “polite receivers” but not necessarily “good” at receiving.
We are not very “good” receivers because, at some level, we all hold the belief that we are not good enough. And, because of it, we can spend life overcompensating for this lie by doing too much and not being able to receive what others can offer.
This inability to sincerely receive and be grateful for others’ can cause imbalance, resentment and damage many of our relationships. It is probably a significant element in painful breakups and divorces.
Receiving may sound simple because we learn to provide automatic and polite responses when someone gives or offers something to us. But these responses are just mechanical and courteous; they do not connect to the hearts of the giver and receiver.
The over-givers often quickly move to dismiss the gratitude and appreciation from others, missing out on deeper and genuine connections and, at some level, missing out on the acknowledgment that they are good enough.
(Note: Just a quick reminder that you are good enough! You are good enough for who you are! Period.)
The difference that “receiving well” makes
“Knowing how to receive” or “receiving well” is profound. The conscious choice of being present in an exchange act is healing for both the giver and receiver.
How does it feel when someone holds presence, appreciation, kindness and loving intention towards what you do/give/offer/express to someone?
Probably, even if they said they weren’t interested, and if they already have given their attention with care and presence, you will feel good.
Imagine if we had more presence, appreciation, kindness and loving intentions in our exchanges of giving and receiving. Wouldn’t it be healing?
Presence, appreciation, kindness and loving intentions are qualities we deeply crave in all our relationships. It can be the medicine for our soul and most of our (emotional) pain. It would be a world with much less depression, anxiety, stress, broken hearts, and more.
How can you be a better receiver?
🕰 Slow down!
At the moment of exchanging gifts, or when someone shows gratitude, or when someone offers help/support: slow down.
😌 Be physically and emotionally present in the moment.
Take a deep breath and notice your emotional and physical reactions when you give and when you receive. Initially, it will probably be a mix of discomfort and satisfaction. It is ok. It can get better over time. Perhaps, there will be an impulse to respond with some automatic answer. Hold it for a moment—breathe, before responding.
🙏 Hold a moment for gratitude.
Focus on your heart area containing an intention of gratitude, then respond. If the other persons’ offer/gift/behavior doesn’t quite please you, still hold an appreciation. Hold the perspective that they are doing their best. And, sometimes, for a wherever reason, our best also isn’t that great. Be kind!
💞 Keep on practicing it.
Learning to receive what comes in your way with more openness and gratitude will allow for more flow, ease, and goodness in your life and relationships. Wouldn’t life be better this way?
Invitation 1
I invite you to practice being a better, more present receiver. It will bring more personal satisfaction, better relationships, and a better world – at least your personal world.
I invite you to:
- Be more present,
- Open for what shows up in the flow of your life: gifts, support, favors, praises, compliments, appreciation, and also the difficult life lessons,
- Be open to receiving and showing appreciation for what you and others can offer each other in our co-existence.
- Practice it for one week and let me know how it goes! I will be happy to know if you experiment with it and what you observe.
Invitation 2
And, if you are open to practicing receiving my support, which can help you be more receptive to all the goodness in life and also
- Move towards your goals with more clarity, confidence and trust,
- Overcome personal challenges,
- Find more lightness in your life and relationships,
Request an appointment here. I will be thrilled to share my gifts and help you in this part of the journey.
Iria Sebastiao, your catalyst for change
