Valentine’s in the USA is the day of cards, hearts, teddy bears, chocolates and busy restaurants. Some people enjoy the day. Others feel sad or melancholy because they don’t have a special Valentine, and others don’t care.
Valentine’s day, any holiday and any day of the year are more or less enjoyable depending on our attitude. Some people can turn a great day into a miserable day. Other people can turn hell into a party. Most of us are in between and varying by the day or circumstance.
Either extreme of being miserable or happy all the time is generally an indication of deeper hidden pain and disconnection with oneself. Being cranky and sad all the time is a way of pushing people away and creating the self-fulfilling prophecy of “nobody cares about me.” On the other hand, being well, happy and cheerful all the time can be another way of pushing people away from what is truly going on deep inside.
We may play the cranky, happy and other personas in different situations at one point or another. That is ok. It can be a good strategy to help us function through tasks or days. However, if we become identified or play out a particular persona for too long, we can become too disconnected from ourselves, getting lost in the persona we created.
By getting lost in the persona we created, we live a life that does not feel authentic and lacks integrity. As a consequence of it, we hurt, and our relationships become superficial. We feel alone and empty.
When we are disconnected from ourselves, we live the days like robots. We relate with others through the expected norms, but we don’t connect. As a result, daily activities drain our energy more than they should, and we also feel lonely – even when we are in a relationship.
Over time, joy and other good feelings fade away. When we notice, it feels hard to feel good.
What are we missing?
To begin, the presence with ourselves is what is missing. It is missing the connection with what brings us joy and makes us feel lively. It is missing the expression of our truth, first to ourselves, then to the world. It is missing our integrity, the sense of wholeness with ourselves.
When we are in integrity with ourselves, we feel purposeful. We don’t need to spend energy trying to justify anything to anyone, much less to ourselves. We don’t care about what others think. We feel plentiful with ourselves. We cultivate relationships that feel nurturing and meaningful with those who accept us for who we are. Because we accept ourselves for who we are.
For Valentine’s Day or any other day, remember to be honest with yourself. Remember to do what brings you joy, and connect with those who make you feel lively. Remember to nurture the kind of relationship you want to grow. Overall, remember that the love and connection you seek starts within you.
