One day you wake up and life is not as it used to be.
First, there is the impulse and desire of wanting it back to “normal” just like it was before. It felt comfortably predictable and provided some sense of control and safety. But then, it changed, it cannot go back. Soon you realize that, “that normal” actually was not feeling so good. Actually, it was just a difficult habit to let go.
Then, a deep sense of relief and hope came. But, those were mixed with fear of the unknown. This mix comes in waves. Sometimes, it feels soft; other times, it feels brutally stormy.
The heart hurts.
The mind spins.
The breath feels short.
You take a deep breath — but, only if you remember to.
You have arrived in the space of “between.” The place that holds the nostalgia, sadness and grief of what originally felt good and comfy. At the same time, it holds the excitement of what it can become, flavored with the fear and hesitation that it may not actually become.
You are not so sure about what you want, but you are certain about what you don’t. Nonetheless, you feel grief.
This space in between feels like it holds more than what your heart can hold.
Sometimes, it is because it is full of excitement with dreams to be.
Other times, because of the sadness of what is, not there anymore.
And then, other times, because of the emptiness of the unknown.
The heart hurts.
The mind spins.
The breath feels short.
You take a deep breath — and you are remembering it more.
Then, you sit, you breathe, you cry, you smile, you make yourself distracted with something else.
Nonetheless, the space in between with the emptiness and the unknown is there, patiently waiting for you.
And because you don’t want life as it used to be anymore, you know you will have to sit in the between, and spend time with the unknown and emptiness for a while.
Eventually, you surrender.
You surrender and find out that the unknown and emptiness are the good and supportive friends that actually liberate you.
And you breathe instead, with the lightness you were seeking and not knowing it was there all along.
