Did you know that overachievement, perfectionism, and the recurrent sentiment of overwhelm or burnout may also have to do with emotional wounds or trauma?
Did you know that resisting others’ help or believing that you have to do everything on your own too?
We all have experienced some trauma or deep emotional wound that can significantly affect our perception, choices, actions and inactions towards life, relationships and goals.
The need to achieve more and more, be perfect and please others can be an unconscious attempt to feel worthy of our parents’ love even later in adulthood – even after the parents are long gone.
Perhaps our parents were physically or emotionally absent when we were young children. Perhaps they only gave attention when we achieved something, or they overvalued achievement because of their own fears or traumas.
Somehow, we learned to believe if we did the right thing, or just enough, they would love us as we wished.
In one way or another, they probably didn’t receive love from their own parents in a healthy way, and therefore, they didn’t know how to do it with you.
Then, you grow up and become an overachiever perfectionist who believes that you have to do more and more, and nobody can support you – emotionally or physically.
Most likely, that is because it is how you felt growing up: I have to do stuff, and I am on my own. Nobody can support me, especially emotionally. I am alone.
Then, as an adult, you often feel overwhelmed and burnt out and have no idea how to help yourself or ask for help.
To make changes towards a lighter way of living, we need to become aware of these patterns and identify what we are trying to accomplish with them emotionally.
Then, we can move toward healing those emotional wounds, recognize our wholeness, and shift those thinking and behavior patterns that probably hurt us and our relationships.
When we feel whole, we don’t need to be “needy,” and we don’t need to overextend ourselves to achieve the next thing that will make us valuable and worthy of love.
We are worthy of love already!
The sense of worthiness and unconditional love we seek will not come from our parents, partners and any other relationship or social status we achieve. Instead, it will come from ourselves.
But we have to learn to do it for ourselves!
If you have challenges in these areas, learn to be more open to receiving support. That will be part of your healing process.
If you are open to help, request an appointment at www.IriaSebastiao.com.
I am Iria Sebastião, Spiritual Life Coach & Catalyst for Personal Change.
